I retained this uncomfortable perception for many years.  As I would walk my dog by the school bus stop every morning, it seemed as though these young people would make every effort to disregard my very existence.  They would look down as I approached, avoiding my glance, not responding to my greeting.  I felt a huge gap between us.  All this was to change one miraculous day last year.  I was asked by Taylor Barton, a dear young man I had seen grow up, to volunteer at the Challenge Day program his foundation was sponsoring at a local high school.  This program has been very effective in helping teens to stop bullying and in helping those who have been bullied.  I had seen their success story on one of Oprah’s shows and wondered why the program wasn’t mandatory at every school.

That day I really had no expectations as I did not know what part I would play in the program, but I was definitely there to be of service.  It wasn’t very long before I realized that my longing for honest communication with teens was about to be fulfilled.  It was a life-changing experience for me.  Although some boundaries in the use of words were set due to school rules, there were no boundaries as to content, and all communication was to be received without judgment.  Ah!  That’s what I had missed with my daughter–the “without judgment” part!  There is a mindset of judgment that is not as obvious as the judgments we use to condemn.  As a parent I had seen myself as the authority figure in my child’s life; loving and understanding perhaps, but definitely “knowing better.”  That’s probably the biggest judgment that separates us not only from our children, but from every other human being.  It is the giceiving of non-judgment that opens the door to full, clear and honest communication–a communication that brings about trust and connection.

That morning about thirty adults welcomed a hundred teens into the gymnasium with loud music, high fives, and great enthusiasm.  We broke up into small groups and the communication began.  We were to complete the sentence: “If you really knew me, you would know….”  There was another facilitator in our group who wanted to share first but for some reason changed her mind and asked that I do so.  I really did not know what I was to say, but looking around the circle at the young faces, I recalled how very young my daughter was when she passed.  How could she possibly have known how to deal with the problems that confronted her in her young life?  I then said,  “If you really knew me, you would know I had a daughter your age who was killed in a car accident.” I then burst into tears and confessed how for years I had come to mistrust teens because of what my daughter had done but that now my heart just wanted to reach out to each of them.  My honest emotion led these beautiful souls to expose their pain as well.  The boy next to me shared that he had been in a gang and that after the killing of his friend, his family had moved so he could start a new life.  It was still a struggle, but he wanted to be a good example for his younger brother.  Beside him, a grieving girl spoke of her baby brother who had just died.  The next girl told how her step-dad had left them and how she would rush home every day to comfort her young half-brother who missed his dad so much.  The last girl spoke about how every day she wanted to commit suicide because she was overweight and her classmates bullied her.  She then had to return home to parents who were addicts and who told her she would never amount to anything.  Tears fell freely from all of us and we could feel the bonds forming.

The next exercise had all of us at one side of the room.  We were asked to walk to the other side of the room if a statement pertained to us.  As questions, such as– “Have you ever been abused by those who said they loved you?  Have you been homeless or hungry?  Have you wanted to commit suicide because someone bullied you?  Has a friend or someone you know been killed? Have you lost someone you love? Have you or someone you know been bullied because of being gay?”–it became clear that each of us had had experiences of great pain.  We all walked across that room many times, looked at each other, hugged and cried together.  I am crying at this very moment because the depth of the pain in that room was as deep as the pain I had experienced with the death of my daughter.  But it wasn’t left there.  The facilitators were amazing in how they turned all that pain into an energy for healing.  The teens were taking the microphone asking for forgiveness of those they had bullied.  Friends who had parted because of misunderstandings embraced.  All vowed to carry this message of healing to others.  We recognized that  judgment came from the differences we perceived in each other, and that healing comes from the compassionate understanding of how we all experience deep pain from feeling different and separate.  We cried for six hours; first out of pain and then out of joy!  The heart-to-heart bridge that was formed that day left no room for regrets in me.  Now as I walk past the students at the bus stop and see those who will not look at me, I recognize there must be great pain in their lives and secrets they hold.  I send them a silent blessing filled with God’s Love and pray that there will be many adults in their lives who will perceive them without judgment.

For Alison, who visited Earth on September 3, 1979 and went Home on October 31, 1996.

We are seeing the effect everywhere:  tragedy.  Can we as readily see the cause?  I believe we can.  It’s called insanity.  I don’t mean the dictionary definition or the legal or medical definitions, I mean “insanity” as a thought system that contradicts itself–a way of thinking that claims it can harbor love and hate within the same mind: that we can love ourselves and our friends but hate those outside of our culture, race, nationality or even those who think differently than we do; that we can claim we are all Creations of a Loving Creator yet can still attack that Creation.  Given this definition, I think we can agree that we are all insane—it’s just a matter of degree.  Being insane is a drawback to healing ourselves.  Have we had help?  Oh, yes!  Saints and saviors have led the way throughout the ages, but most of us are not interested in emulating their selfless lives which seem to smack of martyrdom.  We would rather “heal” the madness with more madness–with anger against the offender and the killing of the murderer.  We would rather drown out the divine directive to love our enemies and the commandment to love others as ourselves than lay down our arms so that we may embrace a different way of thinking.  Is there an answer?  Of course there is, and I actually have the audacity to propose that I can relate it to you in these paragraphs.  Before you start thinking that my ego is showing, please understand that this is not MY answer.  It is the answer of all of us who have searched for a better way and have found it through times of great pain as well as in every-day living.  It IS the answer given by those who are more aware, enlightened or simply more loving than the rest of us.  For me, it is the answer that has brought the only real peace I have experienced in my life.  It is the extreme giceiving of Love.  This type of giceiving of Love may appear extreme to most of us because it overrides the contradictory sides of our thinking as it flows equally over friend or foe from the very center of our being, from our Heart.  When unleashed, it performs miracles.

When we don’t have time to think, the Heart can open and that Love can sweep through our minds and connect us with our fellow human beings in a way that is not only loving but sacred.  We have seen the power of this release of Love in the recent events in Aurora, Colorado.  There is the young man who was wounded yet continued to help a woman and her daughter escape the theater unharmed.  When asked how he felt about the shooter, he stated that he did not hate him because forgiveness is more powerful than revenge or resentment.  His statement reminded me of Mark Twain’s definition of forgiveness:

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Then there is the father who shielded his injured son’s wounded girlfriend knowing full well he could be killed.  We also know of several young people who lost or risked their own lives to save a friend, such as the thirteen-year-old girl who tried to save a little girl by putting pressure on the child’s wound with one hand and calling 911 with the other.  How could this type of courage and wisdom come from such a young teen?  Her pastor stated that she had always demonstrated a Servant’s Heart.  Indeed, only the Heart can perform such heroic acts and know the power of extending forgiveness. The human mind, on the other hand, sees the carnage, declares war and seeks to protect itself without regard to others.  It sees no other way out when Love is absent.

But the giving of Love is not to be limited to those with whom we feel connected.  The Divine Love within the Heart also seeks to embrace those whom we see as monsters, the evil doers.  This is where most of us draw the line.  We see no reason to extend Love to the murderer, perhaps because it makes us think that we are condoning the act.  But this is not so. The purpose of Divine Love is to heal that which appears beyond our ability to heal.  Can you imagine how much healing would take place if we were to heal those who wish to harm us?  What indeed does it profit us to love those who love us?  The word “profit” is a word of great interest in our society.  If we were told of the incredible growth, peace, feeling of wholesomeness, awareness of fulfilling a divine function, the contribution to the healing of the world that is the “profit” of extending Love to the “unlovable,” we would not hesitate to do so.

For many years a dear friend of mine and I have been given the assignment of extending Love to many high profile “monsters.”  I say these assignments are given us because it is not as if my friend and I are looking around the world to find people who may be doing wrong and then target them for Love!  What happens for me is that I become aware of the individual, and God takes it from there.  You may think that these assignments from the Divine must be very difficult tasks, but I can tell you without hesitation that it is not so.  They are the easiest tasks I have ever undertaken.  The Divine knows what we are suited for, gives us the assignment, and then does it through us. What happens next is that all judgment or condemnation that I may have towards this “monster” is simply washed away and only the Love remains.  My mind still understands the facts and the practicality of restraining these Creations of the Divine, but continues to FEEL this incredible Love.  The “profit” of which I spoke then fills my being and I know I am Loved as well.

Perhaps I have interested you in signing up for these Divine assignments and may wonder what you need to do.  Just be willing—willing to open up your Heart and extend a Love beyond your understanding; willing to be part of the healing of God’s Creation; willing to be “out there” where few humans have ever gone before!  So how do we become willing to do something that may be so alien to us?  We start by removing the blocks to the awareness of Love’s presence.  What I am personally doing right now is continuing to search for where I may still have love-hate relationships; where I may be seeking for peace yet still attacking or defending; where I may claim to believe in a Divine Presence yet be full of doubt; where I may be seeking to know Truth yet lying to myself or others.  I’m determined to find all my blocks.  Having claimed them, I can then give them to God to dissolve for me.  I have come to know that God is not a thief and will not take from me what I don’t willingly give up.  My insane mind cannot heal itself.  I must ask that powerful, loving Presence that is God to finish the job.  What then can possibly stop the healing of my mind… or yours… or theirs?  Absolutely nothing!  I hope you will join me in this “Great Crusade.”

First, it makes the connection between giving and receiving a lawful one. We tend to hope that giving will benefit the giver, because we have often observed that to be true. Yet if this is a law, then hoping my giving will benefit me is like hoping that a rock I throw in the air will come back down to earth. We don’t hope that a law of nature will still work the next time; we assume it as a matter of course.

Second, it means that this law is operating in regard to everything we do. When I give my brother love, that is my gift to me. When I give him attack, that is my gift to me. When I ignore him and act like he doesn’t exist, that, too, is my gift to me. Just as gravity operates on all objects, regardless of size, shape, or mass, so the law of love operates on all interpersonal acts, regardless of their quality.

The fact that the law of love is a law that operates all the time, without exceptions, makes it quite distant from that commonplace observation that giving benefits the giver. For we hear that and then turn around and think, “Then I guess my occasional gifts will probably—hopefully—make me happier.” Rather, we should be thinking, “Everything I give will return to me as lawfully as objects thrown upward return to the ground. Therefore, the way to find happiness is to continually throw love ‘upward’ to others, so that by God’s gravity it constantly falls back down on me. I want love to shower down on me. I don’t want rotting garbage to splat down on my face.”

One way to think of this is in terms of our personal treasure house. A treasure house, of course, is a house where treasure is stored. I doubt, however, that any of us have a literal building in which we store literal treasure. Yet we may still have our own kind of treasure house. Maybe it’s our office, with our degrees, awards, certificates, and photos with important people on the wall. Maybe it’s our personal library, our collection of treasured books. Maybe it’s our actual house, which we have spent years carefully decorating and filling with mementos. Quite obviously, it may be our bank account. Or maybe it’s more intangible. Perhaps it’s a collection of cherished memories. Perhaps it’s a stockpile of future fantasies.  Please take a moment and ask yourself honesty, “What is my treasure house?”  The problem with this treasure house is that, in all but rare cases, it’s all about us. It’s my stuff, which in turn makes a statement about me. But is that really a problem? Isn’t that, rather, the essence of happiness? Isn’t that what makes our storehouse so precious to us?

Think about your treasure house and see if it’s not all about you. For instance, if you imagine it being co-owned by you and many others, doesn’t its value diminish in your eyes?  Also, ask yourself which would make you happier: That lots of people were deeply impressed by your treasure house, and heaped accolades on you for it, or that lots of people were genuinely blessed and helped by it, without ever knowing it was you who helped them?

Let’s face it, most treasure houses are seen as valuable because we own them and because they make a statement about us. They are temples to our separate self. That’s what makes them seem so wonderful and what makes us so obsessed with them.  And yet that is precisely what makes them empty. Can you see the truth in this with regard to your treasure house? Has it truly filled you up, so that your fullness makes you constantly at rest within and constantly radiating joy without? Or has it left you empty, hungry, grasping, desperate for that next morsel, and wondering where the one after that will come from?

If the latter, then how valuable can your treasure be? Maybe it’s not really treasure at all. Imagine, then, approaching your treasure house, well-tended and securely locked, and opening the door. Now imagine looking inside and for the first time seeing the worthlessness of what is there. Realize you stored there some shiny pebbles that you thought were real gold, along with a pile of snow you thought was real silver. Thus, where you thought you had hoarded silver and gold, you see now that all you have are some wet pebbles. Your treasure house is actually a house of illusions. In truth, it is just empty space. And all the satisfaction you think you derive from it is just as empty.

This is actually predicted by the law of love. For this treasure house is a case of non-giving. Rather than giving, it’s a case of saving, trying to save what you desired for yourself alone. To use my earlier metaphor, nothing was thrown up into the air, and so, naturally, nothing came back.  This may seem to leave you poor indeed, but, thankfully, this is not your real treasure house. You have another one, and it does contain real treasure. What is that real treasure? It is the gifts your brothers have given you in response to the love you have given them. This love is also a gift of forgiveness, for love, to be itself, must brush aside all those things that would diminish it. It must overlook as unimportant all that would say that it shouldn’t love. And that brushing aside so that love can be itself, that overlooking, is forgiveness.

This treasure house is not so well-tended, is it? Yet it contains the real treasure in your life. It contains the love from others that was the natural response to the love you gave. In many cases, you hardly noticed you were giving love. Likewise, in many cases, you hardly noticed the love that was given back. Yet in other cases, that love was one of the most precious experiences you ever had, and you have kept it tucked away in a sacred drawer in your mind, a drawer you occasionally open so you can have another glimpse of that treasured moment of sublime love.

That drawer is your real treasure house. There is so much more in that drawer than you realize. For despite all your egotism and self-centeredness, your brothers have been making trips there, often unnoticed by you, to deposit the love they are returning to you. Not only is the number of treasures there greater than you realize, but the value of those treasures is greater as well. These are gifts more valuable than anything on this earth. They are more precious than money, or awards, or furniture, or anything else this world has to offer. They are the real gold and silver. They are as real as the other treasures were illusory. For they are Heaven’s treasures, which in the end are all truly lasts.

Just as the first treasure house was a case of the law of love at work—nothing was given and so nothing returned—so this second treasure house is a working of that same law. Only here, it is working in your favor: Love was thrown “upward” to your brothers, and so love landed back down on you.

And now you have a choice: Which treasure house do you want to tend? Which one do you want to spend your time filling? Which one do you want to open up and gaze on with joy? Which one do you want as your emotional anchor, the thing you gain strength and comfort from, just knowing it is there?

These questions come down to one simple question: Which treasure house really makes you happier? Really?

You can’t afford to make the wrong choice here. The stakes are too high. We are talking about your happiness. We are talking about the most important issue in your life. You can’t afford to make a lazy choice here, a choice that will feel comfortable but will just perpetuate your unhappiness. Therefore, because your happiness matters, because you matter, make the conscious choice, the wise choice, the choice that actually makes sense despite what all your habit-patterns are screaming at you. Which treasure house really makes you happier?

If you decide the second one does, then make today a day of cementing that choice in place. Make it a day in which, at long last, you learn the law of love.

Robert Perry is a teacher of the contemporary spiritual path A Course in Miracles. His writings can be found at www.circleofa.org. This article was inspired by Lesson 344 in the Workbook of A Course in Miracles.

However, to a local businessman its value has taken on a new meaning that is very special. What’s that you say? Well, it isn’t materialistic or numismatic. It’s actually something “money can’t buy”. But it’s also something that “ money can buy”.  Give up? It’s joy! It’s happiness. It’s gratification. Even love.  How can a Silver Dollar be such a panacea for the conflicts and stress we face and feel in today’s world?

To learn how it’s done, you only need to follow him around to observe him in action.  “Him” is Bob.  Quiet, shy, reserved.  He’ll greet you with a smile, chat a bit and then extend his right hand. Your mind doesn’t know exactly what the gesture is about, but your right hand automatically extends to meet his. You haven’t seen anything in his hand so you’re surprised when something round and silvery slides into your palm, your fingers react by cupping it.  Now your eyes are curious and look to see what it is that was mysteriously placed in your hand. It’s round and silver in appearance. It’s too big to be a quarter, looks about the same size as a fifty-cents piece but feels slightly heavier. Wait, is it a Silver Dollar? It is.  “Wow,” you say, “I haven’t seen one of these things in a long time.” Then the emotions start rushing in.

In my case it was going way back in my memory bank to my grandfather, a kindly Jewish man who came from the old country to the Boston area. A business man, he owned and ran a hardware store in Quincy. I was his only grandchild and a granddaughter at that. We didn’t live nearby, but drove to be with him and my grandmother for Thanksgiving every year. I apprenticed to be a businesswoman under him. He issued me my first social security card at 7, carefully typing my name and some numbers on a piece of paper in his office on the second floor of his store that overlooked the entrance and floor of commerce below. When I was older I would take the train to Boston and transfer to a commuter line to Quincy and stay with them. Every morning I went to work with my grandfather and helped in a variety of jobs. He was a kind and loving man who made me feel special and loved.

When Bob hands you an Eisenhower dollar he will tell you it’s for good luck. But it’s really more than that. It’s a blessing from him. It’s something “special” and “loving”.  But I haven’t told you about the other half of the coin, Bob’s reaction. Your smile, your amazement, your joy, your memories, your thanks. …they bring a special joy to Bob.

So what’s a Silver Dollar worth?  A lot if you live in Las Vegas and happen to encounter Bob.  It’s Bob’s hallmark, when you care enough to give the very best.

By Ellen

Through my Dollar Man I have learned that every day we have so many opportunities to gladden someone else’s life with gestures that say, “I see you. I acknowledge you and you matter.”  In return, we receive something truly precious–a heartfelt connection with those who share this planet with us.

PS:  If you are one of the hundreds of individuals who have been gladdened by the Dollar Man’s giving, please share your story with us.

Update on the Dollar Man:  The doctor entered the room where Bob was being prepared for surgery carrying a small wooden box he said he always brought with him when he was operating. With a big smile he opened it up to show us all the “lucky charms” his patients had given him throughout the years.  Of course, Bob’s contribution was right on top.  The “lucky” dollar (not to mention the many prayers of those who know him) apparently did its job because the operation was such a success that Bob was well enough to be released the very next day.  As he was getting ready to leave, the janitor peeked into the room and asked if Bob was leaving.  When we said that he was, he stated, “What a shame.  You’re going to be missed!  You and your coins.”  There was no way Bob would have gone to the hospital without his coins!  His waking time in the Recovery Room and in the Intensive Care Unit  had been dedicated to chatting with the staff, asking them about their lives, their families, their jobs, and giving each one a coin.  Despite the fact he had just had a very serious operation, his love for people had taken over and once again he had made an impact on their lives.  How fortunate I am to continually witness the healing power of love being giceived!

I believe anyone who really knew my step-grandmother would call her a saint.  She took care of my brother and me, and through the years other children in the family as well, as though we were her own.  She exhibited so much patience and a sweetness of spirit that just being around her made me feel completely loved, completely whole. What she brought to my life was a solid foundation of love upon which I could stand through many difficult times.  Learning the essence of motherhood is another gift she gave that still remains with me.  To feel her nurturing love in my heart that I can then extend to my own children makes me aware of the eternal chain created by Giceiving.

My grandfather was a businessman and plantation owner and was considered to be a wealthy man.  He definitely was not a saint; yet, he gave me another firm foundation upon which to build my life. He instilled in me a sense of always being provided for. Although I did not know nor would I have understood at that age his view of money, I internalized the concept that when we give, we are taken care of.  I remember his generosity not only with his family but our poorer neighbors. I recognized even then that it was unselfish giving–a giving from the heart–and that somehow God would take note of it.  This awareness was transmitted to me without my grandfather ever uttering a word.  He was not a religious or spiritual man, but by example he taught me the Giceiving principle that has given me a sense of abundance all through my life.  By following his example of generosity, when difficult financial times have come, I find that place deep within me that assures me everything is going to be all right…and it has been!

Many blessings and gratitude go out to two of my greatest teachers in life!