To give is to receive, a simple statement probably heard or read by most of the people on this planet at sometime during their life. When hearing or reading this statement, one can feel its truth; but to actualize it or accept its validity, is another matter altogether.
When Mirkalice sent out an email alerting us to the creation of Giceiving Magazine, I visited the web site to check it out. I read all the articles and the introduction and was immediately in distress for I felt a huge resistance to the concept of giving. I explained this to her in a follow up email and how I have always felt I was lacking in my life and therefore always trying to get. At the same time, I did feel that I had experienced Giceiving, the simultaneous giving and receiving Mirkalice describes in the introduction to this site. But to be able to write about it brought up a whole heap of trouble for me.
I was on a recent supply run for our convenience store and I felt as though the devil himself had taken up residence within my chest cavity. I had written about a page of the article for this site and was feeling pretty good about what I had written, but as I reread the article, I began changing some things and began to realize the article wasn’t about Giceiving. It was about giving to get. I left the article in a huff and headed out on my resupply mission. Unfortunately, one of the places I had to go was the place I dislike most on earth – a crowded Wal-Mart. My ego started having a field day with all the manner of humanity in that dungeon of discontent. Every person my eyes lit upon I found a reason to complain about or to judge.
I left the store irritated. I left there and drove to the beer distributor and then took off for home when I ran into a traffic jam. “What is going on now?” I thought. It turned out to be a funeral procession of at least a thousand cars being escorted by the local police department. I couldn’t believe it. As the final cars turned into the cemetery I was able to get clear of the jam and I gunned my truck and sped past them. I hit the end of town a couple of blocks further and cranked the speed up to 70 mph and after about a quarter of a mile I realized I had just passed the Pepsi distributor that I was supposed to stop at and pick up supplies. The Pepsi distribution building is directly opposite the cemetery entrance. That was when I started laughing. I awakened to what was going on. I was in ego rage because I had abandoned writing the article about giving to get, and I had to dig deeper inside to find my true giver. Thank goodness I remembered to laugh.
Why there was such distress at this seemingly simple ability to see the giceiver in me is now understood. The ego does not want us to see our true selves because as we see our true selves we are attracted to that trueness and without conscious awareness, the ego dissipates into the nothingness from which it came. Now that I am at a place of peace I can look inward and see the giceiver. And what I see is the person who is always available to our customers that just need someone to talk to. The outpouring of fear, anger, victimhood, loneliness, or despondency is something I hear often. As I talk to these people and suggest a different way to look at their issues I often see a little light, a sense of hope, come through the fog of their emotions, and I immediately receive the gift I have just given them. The light I see in them is the light that is present in me. A light I cannot see in myself as I am preoccupied with all the external diversions of darkness out there. Helping people lift the veil of darkness from their eyes lifts the veil of darkness from my eyes and the oneness of our being is more of a realization to me. As this realization of oneness grows I see more clearly that what I give, I do receive, simultaneously.